Why is Ortiz so happy?

Because he likes getting his face jizzed on.

Fin.

Why do I always have to be the one to point things like this out?

The BBC have a story with the headline:

Unpaid servant lived in cupboard

I'm going to go ahead and say it because I'm not sure anyone else has the stones- legally she was not unpaid. The benefit in kind of a warm place to live just happened to constitute all of her salary.

Charles 'The Franchise' Clarke

We all know Charles Clarke is a pro'. Alas his pro-ie-ness is not what I would like to post on today. The first piece of news on the BBC 'news' website today is to do with Charles Clarke. It is entitled:

Clarke issues fresh Brown warning

Is it just me who wishes that the above sentence had a comma between 'fresh' and 'Brown'?

An Open Letter to Phil Clarke

Dear Mr Clarke,


I am a long-time viewer, first-time writer. I have always considered you the most eloquent and well-reasoned of all Rugby League pundits.

However, I have been compelled to write to you after watching your latest appearance on the popular Sky Sports show 'Boots 'N' All'. Last night you remarked that performance in the National Leagues has improved "10 or 20 percent".

Now, as a true League fan, I fully understand what you mean and agree with you. However, a minor acquaintance of mine, Barnardo Millionaire, is convinced that you made up that particular stat and are, in his words, "chatting shit".

So, as a highly paid and respected pundit, I am sure you are willing to send us the fruits of your research to back up your claim. In order to shut up Dr Millionaire we will need the following.

i) A definition of how the 'performance' metric is calculated.
ii) A spreadsheet/pivot table of this year's 'performance' versus last years.
iii) Perhaps a small article explaining the differences between the two.

I look forward to your response.


Yours faithfully,


Dibbles